The Adoptive Bond

I wrote this for a friend who's working on a project for school. I really feel strongly about what I wrote so I thought I'd share.

If you ask any mother she’ll likely tell you that she fell in love with her child before he/she was born. I have three children who are biologically mine. In all three cases I fell in love with kicks, hick-ups, a big round tummy, and even that speedy little heart beat you hear only at the OB or hospital. My fourth child came to us in a non-traditional way. We had 10 days notice that we “might” get a baby girl and only two days notice that we knew for certain that we had been chosen. For ten days I couldn’t eat or sleep. I was so excited! What would she look like? How big would she be? I could almost feel her tiny frame cuddled into my arms. I envisioned this little girl as a baby, toddler and entering school. I envisioned her giggles and skinned knees. She was born the child of another woman. Her biological father is still unknown to us. We were privileged to meet her when she was just a few hours old. I admit I was skeptical about forming a bond with another woman’s child. I had to experience it for myself to know how deep that bond runs.

At first glance my daughter looked foreign to me. She didn’t look the way I was accustomed to “my babies” looking. I felt uncomfortable coming into a hospital and assuming custody of a baby I didn’t birth. In all honesty, that discomfort lasted only about an hour. Our birthmother was incredible. She didn’t want us to waste a minute. She wanted us to immediately form a bond and love her precious baby. Almost as soon as my baby girl was placed in my arms I knew she belonged to me. My heart was hers. I was hooked and very attached.

We spent 3 days in the hospital with our baby until she was discharged and we could take her home. By that time, it was hard to believe that I hadn’t birthed this tiny little beauty. I had no memory of pregnancy or delivery but I was every bit as attached to her as I had been to my previous three children. As you might notice from pictures she doesn’t exactly look like my other children, but it’s me who is different. I look at blond babies and wonder at how pale they are even though my first three babies were just as fair. My little girl is just as she should be.

In the state of Nevada, a child must live with an adoptive family for 6 months before they can petition the courts to finalize the adoption. As we approached our time to finalize my anxiety spun out of control. I had nightmares that someone would step forward and want to assume custody of our little girl. The attachment was already far too deep to even contemplate separation.

Our precious baby girl turns one year old next month. The time has flown by at such a speed it’s hard to believe. Our smiley toddler is one of us. She is no less my child than any of my biological children. Can an adoptive mother take a child into her heart and love that child as much as a biological child? My answer without hesitation is absolutely!